Life

adios 2020! we bid you adieu

Well it is no secret that 2020 has been a tough year for many (if not all) of us. What I really hoped to be a breath of fresh air and great opportunity to focus on some self- care, self-improvement and overall well-being really had different plans.

While it is really easy for us to find the many negatives in the past year as we say goodbye to it in the rearview mirror, I also think that it’s important for us to recognize the ways in which we have grown, learned (although maybe the hard way), and are bringing with us into 2021.

I saw this post and a few of these things really resonated with me:

  1. prioritizing people who consider me an afterthought / forcing friendships / one sided relationships
  2. second- guessing my worth & value that I bring to the table
  3. comparing my work & life to others
  4. counting on external validation to elevate me
  5. not being mindful about how far I HAVE come

prioritizing people who consider me an afterthought / forcing friendships / one sided relationships

This is something I am so so bad at. If you are someone in my life I value- you know I will go to the ends of the earth for you, and I am loyal to a fault. But I have just become so exhausted with perpetually chasing people and making the effort that don’t make the same effort for me. Not only is it draining, but it can fuel my own anxiety when in reality, most of the time it is not a “me” problem at all (why don’t they want to talk to me? What did I do?) Nothing like a pandemic to really make you examine your relationships and friendships with people and purge yourself of the relationships that don’t serve you anymore.

second- guessing my worth & value that I bring to the table

I’ve talked a little about this before but I think a lot of people are surprised when I say that I struggle with valuing myself and what I do bring to the table because externally I project that I am a fairly ‘confident’ person. I have learned a LOT of lessons in the past year about not letting people undermine & gaslight your abilities (cause chances are its a reflection of themselves), and to know your own value & worth. Nobody else is going to tell you that – you have to find that in yourself.

comparing my work & life to others

oh boy this is a BIG one for me. I constantly second guess & question myself like noooo other. Throughout the process of doing my masters, this was something I really struggled with. Being the “square peg in a round hole” because I didn’t fit the mold of a typical student in my program, and boy was I reminded of that! Feeling out of place, and second guessing yourself/ your path is one of the utmost worst things you can do to yourself…. trust the journey (as hard as that might be for the type A OCD personalities like me!)

counting on external validation to elevate me

I think we all do this one to some extent (but it also ties in nicely with the previous point)… when you DO second guess yourself all the time, you give WAY more weight to the people and commentaries from those around you. end of story. Do you FOR YOU. Do what makes you happy. Others will do what they need to do for them, your best interests are never gong to be at the top of that priority list.

not being mindful about how far I HAVE come

UGH- I wish this list wasn’t so relatable!!! This is something I am really working on- being in the moment, enjoying life or whatever you want to call it. Being a pretty motivated and self- directed person I am always worried about moving on to the “next” thing or whatever I need to focus on next. The past couple years I have had a lot of criticism as I’ve needed to step back from some of my commitments due to some challenges with my health that I have had little to no control over… and was made to feel SO guilty about it. I had this sort of epiphany one day- people are always going to highlight your faults based on their insecurities and what they think you have and they do not… so it’s only natural that being where I’m at in my life (and being very fortunate to be here) that could harbour some resentment for some. But when they want to make comments about the validity of my personal concerns or challenges.. I just think to myself- look where I’m at. Look how far I’ve come DESPITE all those things. This year my goal is to take advantage of some of those smaller “little moments” that I worked so hard to see where I am now.. and appreciate how far I’ve come to get here.

Adios 2020.. we won’t miss you- but we learned so much from you! Hopeful that 2021 will be a little different than the past year and filled with more positivity.

xo, C

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