It’s not a surprise that a lot of the things that happen to us throughout our lives (and how they make us feel) contribute a lot to how we handle situations or approach finding a solution, how we react to people in our lives, etc.
Think back to who you were 5 years ago- I know for me, I am a completely different person than who I am now.
So I talked a little bit last week about needing to show up and do the work on yourself vs. just covering up those old wounds with unhealthy coping (whatever that might be for you)… a lot easier said than done. I think the thing really is, I didn’t realize what “wounds” I was really carrying with me or that I even needed to unpack them… I just thought this was the version or side of myself that people couldn’t really understand.
So I guess you could say I’m working on “getting to know myself”. And the more I do, the more I realize that a lot of the ways I react to certain situations come from maybe how I felt in the past (your body intuitively activates that fight or flight response a LOT let me tell ya!) and your brain’s attempt to “protect you from danger”.
I think the important takeaway is that you have to show up for you and put you first, every single time because nobody else is going to do that for you. That doesn’t mean that you can’t or won’t care about other people, or their needs don’t matter. But when you start to put all of those people above your own needs, that only starts to harbour resentment, and can make you feel pretty unworthy or badly about yourself. If you look at that post above, it doesn’t have to be some massive trauma that’s caused you to feel this way… do a little self inventory to figure out where you’re at right now, and how you might need to work through your past to really. show up for yourself.
So how do we avoid getting to this place where we can ruin relationships with people in our lives that we care about? Putting in the work. Full stop.
The problem is, in today’s society we place so much emphasis and glamorize being “aloof” or “not caring”… it’s almost like caring about something or someone is a bad thing (and when did that happen?) I’ve really shifted my mindset in the past half a year or so to really reflect that my energy and time is not endless (and I just don’t have the energy that I used to maintaining all of these additional relationships or friendships that were not serving me anymore). I will show up for the people I care about, and do my best at the present moment to love, care, and support… and if I’m not wanted or they don’t care about me, I really have to try and remember that is not a reflection of me and more so about where they are at in their lives.
If you’re like me, letting go can be really hard. I want to see the best in everyone and believe the best in them (and I can make a lot of excuses for people)… to the point that I leave myself in situations long beyond what I should. friendships, relationships, you name it- this can have a significant impact on the dynamic between you and the people you care about. Sometimes the best thing to do is take a step back, do that inventory of yourself and say “what is this contributing to my life or where I want to be anymore”. If it doesn’t align with your goals, it’s time to ditch it.
Doesn’t mean that those people won’t eventually grow too, but it does mean that right now in this moment you need to let them go because they are not in a place to show up for you the way that you need. Doesn’t mean you’re not allowed that time and space to grieve what you’ve lost with them (or the potential you had of them), but it does mean remembering that you’re worthy of the very same respect you attempt to give everyone else. That is also what self care looks like (not just face masks, bubble baths, and glamorous workouts).
Remember, you are worthy of the same love, kindness and time and energy you give to everyone else. You are important too.. and if someone isn’t showing up for you the way you are for them, maybe it’s time to take inventory on that relationship or time to remind yourself that it’s a two way street and do some “purging”.
Nothing like a new year before the spring to do some “cleaning” – physical, emotional, and mental. Don’t hang on to things that don’t serve you anymore! Friendships, relationships, things… we’re letting go in 2022!