dating life disaster (episode 1)

So it’s a nice Friday night, you’re out at the bar (our second home Molly’s where else), you grab your (totally unnecessary) vodka soda from the bar, and you hear “Are you Chantal?”

let me tell you what goes through your head when you hear this. likely what went through my head at the time:

  1. Who is calling me?
  2. Why are they calling me?
  3. Do I need to pretend I don’t hear them?

And in a drunken panic you make the mistake of answering ” yeah” just as they say “are you Chantal from tinder? I messaged you and you never messaged me back!”

Well. Well then. (In case your next question was “did you know him?” I’m going to save you the effort here and just confirm no, I did not. )

If this doesn’t pretty much sum up my dating life I don’t know what does. A true metaphor really. I will say that I haven’t hated everyone on all the dates I’ve gone on, but it seems that the ones you’re always actually interested in are the ones that are not interested back (what HAVE I done to you universe to deserve this?!)

Let me tell you I could be rich if I collected a dollar for every time I’ve been out and have been approached by people I have definitely never met who say they know me, the number of residents who have messaged me saying I “looked after their patients” when I probably spoke about 4 words to them, or your best friend’s parents being approached at work asking about you (by people you’ve hung out with like a minimal number of times)? Yeah. I could make some profit off all those weird things. (if anyone has a business model idea for this, feel free to hit a girl up).

If I didn’t think London was a small place before moving back here after school, being single in your 20s in London definitely will confirm that. I feel like constantly I’m so over the (lack of) choices here, but you know you try to do the good thing and give people a chance, and that is ALWAYS a mistake. (pro tip: if you associate with anyone you at all work with, just be prepared to run into them about 25x more than you ever previously did– another big shoutout to the universe for that one!)

I do have these moments though swiping through dating apps (if you know me, you also know that I actually despise Bumble and Hinge likely for the amount of work entailed in setting up your profile and contacting people).. where I am just so bored of seeing the same people over and over again. Until… you see the prime candidates come along like this one!!

Smookie’s real name will not be shared for his privacy 🙂

or this one.. whoooo knew I was supposed to change my employment on Tinder to. “essential”?! I better go update my profile…

thank you Ryan, I wasn’t sure what you did but now I sure do know!!

I mean, with candidates like this, who can pass those up?! In reality, my dating life the past few years has just been really a set of comical events here to support my friends in its entertainment value, and I’m not mad about it (certainly not as mad as one of the guys I was messaging during quarantine who decided he was “sick of just messaging”… I’m sorry sir did I miss the part when I planned this pandemic?)

I’m a big believer in what happens happens, and I have actually enjoyed hanging out and getting to know a few people I’ve gone on dates with. What else can you do but laugh when 3 of your exes all show up at the same place you are on the same night and you spend the evening actively dodging them (boy has quarantine brought some old gems out of the woodwork- another important piece of advice, don’t be like me and never save anyone’s phone numbers because you will inevitably lose track of your roster, or they will find a way to contact you over a year later….)

But honestly dating in 2020 also comes with a lot disasters and if you can’t laugh about it, you’re not ready to date nor for the messages you are about to receive (it got to the point I would message one of my friends each time I received a message with some sort of pickup line about my hair and her boyfriend asked if I had amazing hair because it happens SO frequently) .. enjoy some of the few highlights I’ve received (the ones I can find anyways)

In conclusion of this segment of “Chantal’s Dating Life Disaster” I hope some of these made you laugh today. Until next time, make sure you are keeping up with your hair routine in quarantine ladies!!! You never know, your future- ex may depend on it!!

– C

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