So, I started this post a while ago and it’s been sitting in my “drafts” folder for a while.. not because it was some gem of a post I was saving but more so that it is pretty out of my comfort zone. People know me know two facts about my dating life: 1) I don’t share a lot about my personal/ dating life because I like to keep it personal, and 2) Any stories I do share are normally a new episode in the “Chantal’s Disasterous Dating Life” series. But for as uncomfortable as this is for me, there have been a lot of times my friends have said “you have the most hilarious stories” and so.. here we are!
First off, I think it’s really important to acknowledge who you are individually before even thinking about involving yourself in any sort of dating/ relationships. I would very much describe myself as a person who believes everything happens for a reason, and I walked into 2020 with a serious “if it’s meant to be it’ll be” attitude (and COVID said… oh yeah? watch this!). But in all seriousness, I’ve never been the girl who has sat around creating her Pinterest wedding day vision boards, or waiting for Prince Charming for her glass slipper.
I’m a pretty independent person (which is both good and bad) and certainly that has affected how I approach dating and relationships as well. Not in the “I don’t need a man I am a strong independent woman” sense, but more so I have my own personal and life goals and if someone (or the right person) were to fall into place with that and fit into my life then that’s great. But I honestly don’t know in the long term if I see myself with anybody and I could probably very much be okay with being fulfilled with the other things and important people in my life. There’s a big part of me that doesn’t know if I want kids (I know, how can I be a paeds nurse when I don’t want my own children right?) and maybe if I was with the right person that would change, but for now that’s how I feel.
Does that mean I have my dating life figured out? absolutely not. I’ll totally admit, I very rarely feel like anything is worth “pursuing”, and if I don’t think it’s worth my time, I won’t. My life is busy, and really if something is meant to be, it’ll be right? But like everything else in my life, I go big or go home so when I do fall for someone I fall hard, and all those uncomfortable feels (we all know how much I love feelings…) don’t make the prospect of that very enticing.
Coming into 2020, I had a reallll positive attitude. Like not the whole “this is my New Years resolution I’m not going to take seriously” thing, but more so what’s meant to be will be, and as we all know, sometimes things fall into place when you least expect it. Watching a pot never makes it boil faster right?
I’ve had a lot of friends over the years who struggle to find their identities individually and have been somewhat “serial daters”. The idea of that is not enticing to me. I love the freedom in my life. I do what I want when I want (within reason of course), and I don’t have to answer to anyone for the decisions I make about my life and what I chose to do with it. It’s funny because at one time, I was the only person out of many groups of my friends who was in a long term relationship (and I learned a lot during those years). But if I’m being truthful, I think I liked the comfortability and the idea of that way more than the relationship itself. Sometimes you outgrow things. People… and when people don’t grow along with you, sometimes that means you are going to be happier leaving them behind. Don’t sacrifice yourself and your own growth because someone else doesn’t water their own garden and tend to their own growth like you do. You don’t have to feel guilty for that.
Don’t get me wrong, in the moment dealing with things I was upset, and I struggled, but when I finally got over myself and this fear of feeling like I “failed” if this relationship didn’t work out, I was able to realize that there was just no good coming from that part of my life anymore. It caused me way too much stress, and very little benefit. And if I am being honest- the fact that you can spend five years with someone and have literally zero feelings towards them anymore probably speaks to the fact that this relationship was not worth my time, or right for me. It’s okay to outgrow people and situations. One of my best friends told me at the time I was really questioning that breakup- “sometimes people are just meant to be in your life for a certain part of it”… and if that’s not the truest thing I’ve ever heard, I don’t know what is. It doesn’t mean losing them sometimes doesn’t hurt or letting go isn’t hard, but certainly you don’t have to feel guilty for changing and growing both as individuals which leads you down different paths.
Now being single for so long, sometimes I actually wonder (and sometimes worry a little) if I will ever be able to be in a relationship after all this time on my own, because to put it simply- being with someone is a lot of work. It’s time. It’s an investment. A big part of me probably is worried subconsciously about making that investment (again) and feeling like it is a waste.
It’s not that I haven’t put myself out there or taken opportunities to meet people, etc. (I really enjoy the fun of meeting new people and have actually made some very close friends from scenarios where it was very evident a romantic connection was not there but friendship definitely was). It can definitely be frustrating sometimes though- for instance, I put myself out there talking to someone earlier on in the year, we hungout and it exceeded my expectations.. (and this my friends, is normally where things go awry). I don’t know WHAT it is about me that says “just make me have low expectations, blow them away, and then feel free to fade into the sunset”….
It is seriously HARD though to mentally prepare yourself to make any kind of investment when you don’t feel like you get to enjoy the fun part of things. Why make yourself emotionally vulnerable when you don’t get the payout? It seems pretty counterproductive. I think that’s also a big part of why I have really struggled over the past year or so with some situations that (I wish didn’t but do) still take up a lot of my mental energy and although I don’t want to admit to myself- still hits me right in the feels, and has been a pretty tough one to try and get over.
But, enough about that for now. So as uncomfortable and weird as it is for me to share this part of my life (mostly because I’m not used to it) there is a lot of humour in so many of my stories and hopefully it will bring some joy and laughs to you especially during all this craziness.. (boy I never thought I would meet awful awkward tinder dates so much!)
But where else could I share stories with you all like how the delivery person that brought my food last weekend made a significant point of sharing he was a “manager” at the bar I ordered from (either cause he was truly concerned they screwed up my order, or because we’ve probably matched upwards of 10 times on tinder, you guess….) and my reaction when he said this slowly retreating back into my building where he now knows I live………). See I couldn’t make these stories up if I wanted to.
So with that, I’ll leave you with this little post below, cause maybe its that I submitted my thesis this week, or for once I’m feeling like I somewhat have my life together, but it does feel good!
Til next time,